I wish I could walk the talk that I give on the blog. I wish I could fully embrace my physical flaws, I wish I could truly eat for nourishment and not vanity. But I don’t.
Since Avolicious’s beginnings, I’ve written something along the lines of fitness, nutrition and anywhere in between. And I’ve tried my best to be the empowering and positive-minded presence. Keyword: tried.
Maybe it’s part of being human or perhaps it’s just me, but I still struggle with loving my body and eating certain foods for strength and energy, but I eat certain foods in the hopes to simply look skinner.
I just wrote about why carbs are not the enemy on yesterday’s post. As much as that post was addressed to the public, it was equally addressed to me: I am scared of carbs. I continue to still moralize my food choices and find the need to excessively justify every single food choice. My brain is noisy, it’s never quiet when I’m eating. But yet, but yet, I say that I am something otherwise on the blog.
And in a sense, my blog is an extension of what I wish to be. The opinions, the thoughts, the blog posts that I write are what I desire I could be. Someone who was confident, empowered, self-loving and truly content with where she is now. And through much of this past year, this contradiction has always haunted me. I write about loving and embracing our bodies for what they are, but immediately as I hit publish I lament at my reflection on the mirror. My seemingly dual life haunted me and I questioned if I should write for Avolicious anymore.
So I took a break from Avolicious around the spring time of this year; I wasn’t comfortable with not “walking the talk.”
But I came back. Why?
… because change is not a judgment of yourself
The change I wanted for myself were what I wrote on Avolicious: full acceptance of one’s body and mindful eating. And to get to that point, I needed to change myself. I am constantly changing: each blog post nudges me to walk more step on the path that I wish to walk on. The ideas and the posts for Avolicious are helping me walk out of the path that I am walking on right now and turn into the path that I wish to walk on.
While my usual posts have a satisfactory end, today’s post will be unfinished because I am still wandering and exploring this new and frightening chapter of my life. Thank you for all the support, but don’t expect me to exactly walk the talk, I’m getting there 😉
Do you practice what you preach?